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The way you think can be your greatest asset or it can be your greatest obstacle in achieving abundance and happiness. Find the positive in all things, and life will be a cake walk. This sounds pretty simple, but for most people, the reality is that it is extremely easy to focus on the negative things in our lives which easily evolves into negative thought patterns.
Here’s the thing: although your mind does incredibly amazing things, it can also obstruct your mental growth and evolution. Your mind has built-in defense systems to keep you feeling safe and protected. When you feel threatened, your mind will do whatever is necessary (and not necessarily healthy) to help you get back to feeling safe. One way you may navigate back to a feeling of perceived safety is through negative thought patterns– a set of habitual and cyclical false beliefs, often rooted in past trauma, that have a negative influence on your life.
Getting stuck in the cycle of negative thought patterns happens subconsciously and will leave you feeling exhausted and generally unhappy. The first step to breaking free from negative thought patterns is to become conscious and aware of them. Here are five thought patterns holding you back from a happier life:
- Personalizing other people’s issues
- Focusing on things outside of your control
- Constantly feeling the need to overexplain yourself
- Jumping to conclusions
- Victimizing yourself
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Personalizing Other People’s Issues
This thought pattern occurs when you assume responsibility for something you’re not at fault for. You may also falsely believe that someone else’s opinion of you defines who you are.
People tend to project their opinions and reactions based on their own unhealed traumas, and YOUR own unhealed traumas may lead you to believe that their opinions and reactions are based on something you did wrong. The truth, however, is that you’re the only person with the power to define who you are, and you are the only one responsible for your own thoughts and actions. Once you recognize that, you can begin doing the work to avoid assuming responsibility for other people’s issues.
Focusing on things outside of your control
This is one that’s still a little difficult for me to fully grasp. You CANNOT control the actions of anyone besides yourself. No matter how hard you wish it, or how much influence you think you have over a person, you literally CANNOT control how someone else chooses to think or act. You only have control over yourself or your own decisions.
Other people’s actions may disappoint you, but the more you try to control or convince yourself that change other people, the more you will suffer. In moments of disagreements, remember that you only get to decide how you act and react. Whoever you’re in a disagreement with has the power to do the same for themself.
Constantly Feeling the Need to Overexplain Yourself
Did you know that overexplaining is a form of people-pleasing? Think about it. When you overexplain, you unconsciously censor yourself and respond to the anticipated responses of others. It is an attempt to get others to understand your perspective, but you worry and assume they can’t or won’t comprehend your point. You worry that other people may misjudge you, so on and on you go trying to cover every possible response you assume other people will have.
You overexplain to avoid being misunderstood. It’s an attempt to be properly seen.
To stop overexplaining, try to concisely state your point, then give the other person a chance to ask questions if they don’t understand. Trust yourself enough to know that you’ve said what you meant to say, and trust that other people have the capability to understand you or ask for clarification in moments of confusion.
Jumping to Conclusions
We all grew up learning to master our critical thinking skills. When it comes to healthy communication, however, using only critical thinking skills may trap you in a bad habit of jumping to conclusions.
An important element of healthy communication is active listening. It requires you to give the other person a chance to explain things from their perspective. When you jump to conclusions, you skip the active listening portion of communication and assume that you know exactly what the other person is thinking which only leads to miscommunication, misunderstanding, heartache, and resentment.
To break this habit, practice repeating what you think you understood from a conversation. This may feel awkward, but it gives other people the chance to confirm or further explain what they meant. If strong feelings are involved, you will need to temporarily put those feelings aside to truly hear what other people are saying.
Victimizing Yourself
You victimize yourself when you point fingers at what everyone else has done, you fail to acknowledge or take accountability for your own shortcomings, or you believe that you have no control over your life.
When you victimize yourself, you unconsciously keep yourself in a state of powerlessness (a state far away from happiness).
To step away from the victim role, you must believe that you are in control of your life (which you are!). You aren’t always in control of your circumstances, but you get to decide how you interact and navigate through life.
Conclusion
Negative thought patterns stem from past trauma that you haven’t dealt with. Awareness and mindfulness are the first steps in breaking free from negative thought patterns. When you’re able to recognize that there is indeed a pattern, you can then look further for triggers and start to work on healing the root trauma.
This is a process. There will be setbacks.
Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Speak lovingly to yourself.
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